WEST ALLIS, Wis. — In what is being called “a serious low point,” a Wisconsin man has given in and finally saved his credit card billing information on the online ordering portal of PizzaHut.com.
“I can’t believe I’m fucking doing this,” said local healthcare consultant Matt Orlander, 33, as he clicked “save.”
Orlander then sighed deeply, adding “I just didn’t think I was going to be back here that often.”
Officials at Pizza Hut headquarters who had been tracking Orlander’s recent activity were reportedly relieved.
“We wondered what was taking him so long,” said PizzaHut.com web analyst Brian Fisher. “But after he ordered his third pizza in two weeks, we knew eventually he’d come around.”
Orlander continued to verbally criticize his own lack of willpower and self control as he navigated the multiple screens and prompts.
“Oh great, they’re asking me to build a profile now,” said Orlander. “Great. Might as well do that shit too, I guess.”
At press time Orlander was angrily fleshing out the personal details of his user profile.
“What am I doing now, creating my ‘flavor faves’ for extra fast ordering?” Orlander exclaimed. “I can’t stop. What’s happening to me?”
Cole Moser once saved his billing information for a shrimp burrito he ordered on vacation in San Diego.
Image by schwa23.