Man Dressed As Spider-Man Watches Crime Happen, Does Nothing


SAN DIEGO – While walking home from a Halloween costume contest at the Blind Lady Ale House last night, Chris Antonelli, who was dressed as Spider Man, watched as a man took a woman’s purse and ran away right past him. While Antonelli could have tripped, tackled, or at least asked the man to stop, he instead flattened himself against the wall so as to impede the thief’s progress as little as possible.

Antonelli, who purchased his Spider-Man costume from Disguise Inc. for $249.99 and further accented it with realistically functioning web-shooters for another $32.97, is quoted as saying afterword that “The thing is, I want to be able to wear this costume in the future too, and if it were to get ripped or scuffed, it would look kind of shabby. I mean, with a great costume comes the responsibility of keeping it looking great. Plus I didn’t want to get my ass kicked.”

The childless, wifeless, adult in good health later attempted to justify his cowardice in a Facebook comment thread by claiming that it was “probly [sic] a good thing” he didn’t try to trip the thief, adding, “I mean, in this day and age, that type of stuff could get you sued, y’know?” After his posts, Antonelli returned to searching for animated pornography featuring Marvel Universe characters that he hadn’t already seen.

David Sharp has little power, less responsibility, and agrees that’s for the best.

Photo courtesy of Frost H.