WEST HARTFORD, Conn. — During a job interview this week, sources reported that local man Dan Harrison killed any chance he had of getting hired by not completely fabricating every single aspect of his personality.
“It’s as if he didn’t know that lying is the number one thing you should do during a job interview,” said Jeremy Sniller, hiring manager at the Baskin Robbins Dunkin’ Dounuts on New Britain Ave. “I mean come on, how do you think I got to be the hiring manager? It certainly wasn’t through being an honest person.”
The interview, which lasted just under ten minutes, got off on the wrong foot following a sweaty handshake and Harrison oversharing about his tumultuous childhood.
“I really thought it was going well,” claimed Harrison, 25. “I was very open and honest about my work experience, skills, and what growing up in a fatherless household was like. Maybe I was just overqualified for the position of assistant ice cream scooper.”
Harrison, who has been unemployed since being fired from Ruby Tuesday for excessive crying, was banking on nailing this interview and getting back into the workforce.
“Looks like it’s back to the old drawing board for me” said Harrison. “I just wish I knew what I did wrong. Was it the unwavering eye contact? Was it my popped collar? I felt I answered all of the questions to the best of my ability. Where do I see myself in five years? That’s easy: still without a father figure.”
Harrison’s father was unable to be reached for comment due to the fact that he was too busy enjoying his life free of parental responsibilities.
Joshua Ballew has lied at every job interview he’s ever been to.
Image by Flickr.