Lying Attention Whores Get Justice

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SHELBOURNE FALLS, Mass. — Comedian Bill Cosby was found guilty to the allegations against him that he drugged women for sex, lending credit to all the lying attention whores who said he raped them which he apparently did.

“Great,” said Cosby’s wife Camille who adamantly defended her husband. “It looks like all those money-grubbing sluts were right about my husband all along. He’s an actual monster who coerced several women into unwanted sex, just like they lied about before.”

The report comes from a 2005 deposition in which Cosby admitted that he had quaaludes to drug dozens of probable fame-hungry women into having nonconsensual sex with him. While Cosby has remained quiet about it, other public figures like actress Phylicia Rashad, and singer CeeLo Green have defended Bill Cosby against these fibbing women who were just-asking-for-it by literally being unable to ask for anything because of the drugs he gave them.

“I was just hoping that if he didn’t rape any women, then I didn’t either,” CeeLo told the press. “I guess this means I raped that liar, too. My bad.”

“Do I have to support the victims now? The ones that my husband drugged with quaaludes and that I dismissed as attention whores who wanted our money? Ugh, for real?” Camille asked the press with several dramatic eye rolls and sighs.

Cosby, who has remained silent about all the fabrications that turned out to be facts, finally released a statement saying he hopes that all the women that he harmed are doing well with all that money and fame they got from coming forward with their stories. He adds that they should all be good girls and shut up already so Dr. Huxtable can keep tricking women into having sex with him.

Stephanie Weber is just writing this for the fame and attention.

Image by Michael Candelori