CHICAGO — City residents scratched their heads in bewilderment this morning as they witnessed enthusiastic out-of-towners having a good time in the same place they spend every godforsaken day.
Many commuters appeared puzzled as tourists lightheartedly pointed out historic landmarks throughout the soulless metropolis, in which they feel utterly trapped. Also, there was confusion in the central business district caused by the spring in the step of sightseers occurring right alongside the lifeless trudge of the city’s native workforce.
“I can’t believe anybody would spend their money to see this place,” said financial analyst Brendon Costa, gesturing toward several architectural marvels he routinely ignores.
Thousands of work-bound city denizens failed to conjure even one reason why people would elect to spend time in the cosmopolitan cultural hub, which also happens to be their personal hell.
The city’s gleaming buildings and storied past completely lost on them, commuters quickly grew annoyed with the looks of delight on visitors’ faces. Tour guides in the downtown area were heard giving insights into the city’s history that no inhabitants appreciated, and struggling to explain the apathy of locals to the thrilled visitors.
“On the left, you’ll see one of the few surviving buildings designed by Burnham and Root,” explained tour guide Asha Speer, “and adjacent to that are a bunch of folks who want to die.”
The contented travelers were later seen returning to their exotic hometowns such as Dayton, Ohio and Cedar Rapids, Iowa.
Patrick Reilly flips off the Hancock Building every weekday.
Image from pagedooley.