Local Teen Rebels Against Cool Dad By Staying In Every Night


GLEN ELLYN, Ill. — Local teen Evan Bogart and his hip father, Jimmy “Nighthawk” Bogart, have reached a stalemate in their relationship, as often happens with fathers and sons. The younger Bogart has grown increasingly tired of the elder Bogart’s “cool dad” ways and has resorted to open rebellion through a series of extremely safe and responsible actions.

Tensions reached a boiling point last week when Nighthawk raced downstairs, hoping to find his son smoking marijuana only to find instead that Evan was drinking water and listening to NPR at a reasonable level.

“You think you play enough Steve Miller Band for a kid when he’s growing up and he will turn out pretty rad,” commented Jimmy, 53. “Instead, I’m taking this kid to violin practice.”

“I don’t want to be like my dad, so loose and carefree. I hope I’m never like that to my kids,” said Evan, 17. “He once came outside and caught me not smoking cigarettes. He made me smoke a whole pack.”

Evan’s behavior has become an increasing cause of concern for Ol’ Jimmy. The elder Bogart finds it difficult to introduce his son to his bowling team or his Journey cover band, fearing they will ask his son how often he takes practice SATs. This fear brings a great deal of satisfaction to the younger Bogart.

“I haven’t left the house on a Friday night in a year,” Evan said. “I just sit in my room listening to classical music and learning HTML5. It drives him crazy.”

However, Evan has expressed regret at going too far sometimes.

“I left a bunch of Harvard Business School applications around the house last week,” Evan said. “I didn’t have to do it. Sometimes I just get so angry that I forget my dad deep down just wants me to be happy, and call him Nighthawk.”

“I love that kid,” commented Jimmy, “No matter how big of a dweeb he is.”

At press time, Jimmy was attempting to slip tequila into the kale smoothie Evan had made.

Kevin Lobkovich‘s dad likes Eric Clapton too much to be cool.

Image by Jeff Clow.