Local Dad Knows Exactly How To Coach Bears

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SCHAUMBURG, Ill. — A local father is fully convinced that his favorite professional sports team the Chicago Bears would be successful if the multi-million dollar organization gave him full control of playcalling, player rotation and other gameday decisions, suburban sources confirmed.

Ricky Hook, 45, uses the term “we” when referring to the Bears and has been screaming advice at the television for nearly four decades. Hook’s passion for his team and players is clearly evidenced by the sound of spiked television remotes and muffled swearing heard throughout the cul-de-sac most every Sunday afternoon. His pre-game and halftime speeches, though going completely unheard by the players or anyone related to the organization, are dutifully recorded by family members.

“He always stomps in the living room like he’s really on the side line,” Hook’s son R.J. explained about his father, who has made a tradition of writing out plays on a white board while reclining in his lucky chair in his lucky sweatpants and lucky “Cut Cutler” t-shirt.

“I’ve been coaching for over 20 years and I know what I’m talking about here,” Hook yelled in between commercials to his wife in the kitchen.

“He always took my JFL games very seriously,” Hook’s son Robby remembered. “It’s probably very similar.”

Anita Hook also believes in Ricky’s ability to coach the NFL team.

“He always screams like he knows what he’s talking about,” Anita said.

Hook has no intention of giving up on his Bears and, citing the fact that he already loses sleep over games like a real head coach, confirmed his plans to try to replace Marc Trestman.

“It’s finally time,” said Hook. “My team needs me.”

Josh Johnson only played football once.

Image by caitd2000.