Linda Lovelace’s Ghost Regrets Starring In Paranographic Films


COCONUT GROVE, Fla. – The ghost of former adult film star Linda Lovelace says that she regrets starring in paranographic films and has taken to haunting the Coconut Grove mansion where Deep Throat was shot in order to raise awareness about ghostploitation.

Lovelace (1949-2002), the subject of the recent Amanda Seyfried film Lovelace, was best known for her titular roll in the seminal adult film Deep Throat, however later in her life she expressed regret about the experience and spoke out as an advocate against the pornography industry. After transcending her earthly shackles, however, it was not long before Lovelace’s noncorporeal form returned to the jack-off fodder game. In 2004, Lovelace starred in the reincarnation of her most famous role in the blockbuster hit Deceased Throat, which she followed with 2004’s Ectoplaster My Face, and 2004’s Poltergasm. Her stated reason for her reversal of reversal of opinion was that we are all just an interconnected energy system and there is no such thing as morality, though there are also pervasive rumors that Lovelace needed money to feed a newly acquired fear-essence habit.

Then, in 2004, the palimpsest of Lovelace’s life-energy has yet again turned her back on her previous work, saying that she didn’t understand the ramifications of her actions due to her being just barely legally dead. Lovelace says that she believes that the paranography industry (which is not to be confused with the necrophilia trade) takes advantage of spirits that have recently been unshackled from their earthly vessels by tempting them with promises of extra afterlives or entrances into rich people heaven.* Since beginning her haunting she’s been encouraging other souls of deceased fuck artists to slam cupboards, levitate beds, and possess sexy co-eds in an effort to bring awareness the fact that allowing your energy fields to become visible on camera can have serious afterlife-altering consequences.

David Sharp is Senior Vibes Counselor and Séance Concierge for The Whiskey Journal. His album Ghosbutsa Rhymes: a Metaphysical Hip-Hopera drops Tuesday, October 1st.

Photo Courtesy of 00anders

*Which, by all accounts, is way better than the heaven that you’ll go to, slob.