Life Coach Fired After 6 Consecutive Losing Seasons


OMAHA, Neb. — Local insurance representative Terry Shewster finally made the decision to fire his long-time life coach, Rebecca Smalls, after six seasons in a row with a losing record.

Shewster, 46, finished the season $11,000 deeper in debt, dumped by three potential “keeper” girlfriends and still at the same job, at which he is very unhappy. Over the last six years, Shewster has amassed over $90,000 in debt and has not maintained a romantic relationship for more than three months.

“I have the utmost respect for Coach Smalls and wish her the best of luck in the future,” said Shewster. “But, after reviewing and evaluating my performance in the last season, I have made the tough decision to let a new leader take the helm.”

According to multiple insiders, one factor that may have contributed to Smalls’ dismissal was her refusal of Shewster’s romantic advances, a factor which the coach herself had also speculated.

“I kind of saw the writing on the wall once he asked me to dinner,” Smalls said. Shewster had no comment on her speculation.

The firing reportedly came as a bit of a shock to Shewster’s fans, who had become accustomed to the negative outcomes and didn’t feel that coaching was the issue.

After the short press conference, Shewster confirmed he looks to return the franchise to its former glory when he was awesome in college for six years.

Ross Kelly has had 36 consecutive .500 seasons.

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