Kim Davis Ruins 4th Marriage In Secret Rendezvous With Pope

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WASHINGTON D.C. — In a meeting with His Holiness Pope Francis that took place in secret during his visit to the United States last week, Kentucky County Clerk Kim Davis, in a temporary lapse of judgment, left the boundaries of holy matrimony and forever compromised the sacred union of her fourth marriage, her lawyers confirmed late Tuesday.

The encounter, arranged surreptitiously by Vatican officials, reportedly only lasted a few minutes, due to the Pope’s busy schedule and also because he is a virgin.

It is not known exactly what transpired in the meeting that took place in His Holiness’ bedroom at the Apostolic Nunciature of the Holy See on Massachusetts Avenue, whether it was a mere massaging of the Holy Shoulders or involved the full removal of papal vestments, but it was apparently enough for Davis and her lawyers to consider it infidelity.

Davis’ lawyers asked for privacy in this difficult time as her fourth total marriage comes crumbling down due to her continued sinning against the word of God.

As for the Pope’s involvement in the scandal, the Vatican did acknowledge today that Pope Francis met with Davis but did not confirm or deny that His Holiness had brief, likely disappointing sexual contact with her.

In a statement that could be viewed as a silver lining for Catholics worldwide, Davis’ lawyers confirmed that a condom was not used.

Cole Moser‘s lawyers confirm that he met with the Pope last week and was encouraged to “keep drinking.”

Image by wikimedia/Reuters.