Key To Relationship Longevity Talking About Feelings, Report Couple Of Pussies


DEERFIELD, Ill. —  Local married couple Dan and Cari Mensching credit the longevity of their 28-year relationship to honesty and frequent discussion of their feelings, as well as being huge pussies.

Noting that difficult discussions should take place when both partners are calm and able to be objective, emasculated pushover Dan Mensching said, “Instead of starting a sentence with ‘You make me feel’, we say ‘I feel’ to open up a positive, non-defensive dialogue when we have issues we need to work through.”

Dan’s wuss of a wife Cari Mensching added that both partners also try to avoid using single-word answers when the two pansies are having a discussion or disagreement, because one-word responses without further elaboration might make the other person cry like a little girl because they feel like their partner isn’t listening to them or that their precious little feelings aren’t important.

The Menschings aren’t the only pair of weaklings who credit open dialogue and feedback between partners as vital to a long-lasting relationship. A recent study by Ohio State University showed that 86.7% of chicken-shits involved in relationships lasting more than 20 years ranked communication as the most important aspect of a long-term partnership, followed by some other candy-assed stuff like respect and honesty.

“Communication is key in an emotionally healthy relationship,” said Ohio State researcher and psychiatrist Annette Reither, “but who gives a fuck about emotionally healthy when you should be focused on winning all arguments against your partner, no matter what the cost is. Your wife may have a valid point that you were a dick to your mother-in-law the last time she was in town, but you know what? You’re a winner, so you’re going to disregard her feelings and win that argument, otherwise you’re just a cuck. And who wants to be in a relationship with a cuck?”

Erika Magnus fabola hates the word cuck.

Image by fabola.