Kanye Finally Proposes To Kanye


After a 36-year courtship, rapper/producer Kanye West finally decided to make it official by proposing to fashion mogul/aspiring messiah Kanye West last night at inexplicable celebrity Kim Kardashian’s birthday party.

The auteur behind “I’m a God” and “Champion” was visibly surprised by the proposal, but wasted no time in throwing his arms around the creator of “New God Flow” and “I’m Better Than Everyone, Ever, Just Ask Me” and tearfully exclaiming “Oh course! Of course I’ll marry you – there’s no one in the world that I could possibly love more!”

Reports are that the ring is actually a 386-karrat three-finger affair covered with an assortment of colored diamonds (a sly reference to his 2005 hit Diamonds From Sierra Leone) in the shape of a bust of film director/True Belieber Kanye West. Party guests described the proposal as “moving,” “romantic,” and “schizophrenic.”

After the party, West spent so long staring at himself in the mirror that he transformed, Ovid-style, into a flower.

David Sharp is Senior Hater for The Whiskey Journal and a Modern Day Icarus in his own hubristic right.