Judge Mathis Appointed To Supreme Court

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WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a move certain to shake up the Judicial Branch, President Obama announced that he has appointed television personality Judge Gregory Mathis to serve on the United States Supreme Court, according to White House sources.

“Judge Mathis has a very thorough understanding of the Constitution, especially the parts involving claims on stolen Blu-Ray players,” said Obama.

Mathis has served as a judge on his show since 1999, presiding over thousands of cases and resolving all of them in 42 minutes plus commercials. Mathis says that not having cameras in the court room will be a different experience for him.

“I look forward to protecting the tenants of the Constitution with the rest of the cast-I mean, court,” Mathis said.

Mathis is the first TV personality to hold a position in the federal government since “CSI: Miami”‘s David Caruso served in the Department of Homeland Security. Obama said in his speech yesterday that Mathis is the missing puzzle piece in the judicial branch.

“What America needs in her Supreme Court is some charisma, someone to liven up the proceedings,” added the President. “Have you ever watched any of those things? Total snooze fest. Whether he is writing the majority or dissenting opinion, he is sure to be a court favorite.”

Judicial analysts say that Mathis’ addition shifts the politics of the court. His large personality may clash with those of the Ivy League-educated members.

“Eight other judges would never fly in my courtroom,” said Mathis.

During a brief examination by the Senate Judiciary Committee this morning, Mathis was grilled about his career from both sides of the aisle.

“I’m a big fan of your show,” said committee chairman Patrick Leahy (D-VT), “but I’m concerned what will happen to it now that you’ve taken on this other responsibility?”

Many lawmakers are concerned with the fate of Mathis’ TV show.

“Sure, I’m happy for him, the ‘Preme Court is a solid gig, but who are Americans going to get their justice from, Judge Judy?” said Senator Jeff Sessions (R-AL).

Mathis is in talks to with C-SPAN to start a new show, entitled “Mathis: Article II.”

Patrick Reilly was court stenographer on Judge Mathis from 2009-2011.

Image by Dusable.