CUPERTINO, Calif. — This week tech giant Apple Inc. debuted an updated version of their flagship product dubbed the iPhone X and in doing so issued a horrifying reminder that we’ve all been putting up with iPhones and their related bullshit for 10 years now.
Consumer advocacy groups confirmed that yes, we really have been enduring this expensive, arrogant nonsense for a decade.
“Wow, was it really ten years ago that we became accustomed to paying exorbitant prices for a fucking cellular phone?” asked four-time iPhone owner Ted Brunleigh, rhetorically.
“Can’t believe that since 2007 I’ve been carrying a device around in my pocket that I can’t attempt to fix myself or else I void the warranty,” said Janet Kim, a journalist and tech industry insider.
Many of us were also horrified to learn that we had been putting up with the awful Apple keynote events, where Steve Jobs or some other jackass from Apple would come out and talk about how their newest gadget would revolutionize some tiny aspect of our lives that we don’t even really care about, for the last decade.
“In ten years I’ve purchased nine replacement pairs of earbuds and 14 Apple-certified charging cords that frayed and stopped working after a few months,” said Apple devotee Cody Mason of San Francisco. “Boy, if I had the courage to add all that cost up it might not seem worth it.”
The iPhone X will be available in November and will only create new problems, not solve any of our existing ones.
Cole Moser has been waiting ten years for a $1000 gadget that you unlock with your fucking face like the future’s lamest spy.
Image by reuters.