I’m Going On A Diet, Just Not Yet


It finally happened: I have run out of excuses.

After years of subsisting on pizza and hot wings, after countless late nights spent guzzling beer, after too many shameful shuffles past the produce aisle, all the while promising myself that I’ll buy some carrots next time, I have finally realized a hard truth: I need to clean up my diet and lifestyle, and I need to do it right now. And I will. Soon.

Though the temptations are endless, I just can’t justify continuing to eat this way. The fact is, I know better. Did you know that eating fruit can reduce your risk of heart disease and type-II diabetes? So why fill up on donuts and candy when a delicious orange makes a delightful, vitamin-filled dessert? As hard as it is to change old habits, I intend to give up my cookie-filled ways and start feasting on nature’s cookies. As soon as I’ve used up this five-pound bag of cane sugar that I just bought, the first thing I do will be to go out and fill my grocery cart up with delicious fresh produce. I just don’t want to let the sugar to go waste, so I figure I should use it up in some cupcakes or something first.

Ultimately, it comes down to accountability. While the abundance and easy availability of fat-and-sugar-laden processed foods in America’s food culture certainly doesn’t make it easy to make healthy choices, the choice is mine and mine alone. One recent day, I woke up and said, “I am going to grow up, take my health into my own hands, and make better choices, just as soon as the current season of The Walking Dead ends, because I really like my tradition of of eating nachos while I watch it.”

Letting go of your excuses is scary: it pushes you out of your comfort zone and forces you to change longstanding habits. Along with the fear, though, comes a kind of excitement: I can’t wait to find out just how great I’ll feel after I finish all the junk food in my house, wrap up my Walking Dead Nacho tradition, try that new pizza place, oooh, and while I’m thinking about it, that new artisan doughnut place, and I think that’s on the same street as a hand-churned ice cream shop? I’ve gotta go there, and, oh yeah, go to Emma’s wedding, because I KNOW there’s gonna be a lot of great desserts there, and see a therapist to discuss my unhealthy fixation upon Skittles in hopes of eventually working down to a single bag of Skittles a day, and start eating well!

Gwen Lawson is also going to decide on a start date for the diet very soon but not just yet.

Image by pixabay.