How To Eat Pussy Like A Feminist

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By Greg Zielewski

For too long men have remained ignorant of women’s bodies and the proper techniques of cunnilingus. But it’s time for us to roll up our sleeves and pay up for all the unreciprocated oral sex we’ve received over the years. Now, as a feminist, I’m telling you it’s your duty to give your woman 110 percent every time you’re down in the flesh trench. No matter how bad it smells.

The main thing to remember when you’re eating puss is that you must offer her all of yourself. Be inquisitive! Find out what she likes and where it feels good for her—even if noxious fumes bring you within an inch of vomiting while you make mouthlove. In my own male feminist experience, some helpful questions are “How should I move my tongue?,” “Where should I apply pressure?,” and “Are you aware of this aggressive aroma?” Perservere! The scent of death didn’t stop soldiers from raising the flag at Iwo Jima, nor should it prevent you from making her come or whatever.

Observing her body language can tell you how she feels—is she lying still, letting the fetid odor drift slowly into your nose and mouth, or is she actively permeating the stench by flapping her legs? These are important clues.

Clitoral stimulation is crucial for many women. How to locate this pearl of pleasure amidst the crotch whiffs? Once again, I encourage you to ask questions. Your partner will most likely be willing to offer help once you let her know that you are blinded by the ghastly redolence of her engorged womanhood. Make sure not to ignore other parts of the vulva. Try circulating your tongue on her lips or kissing the thing. It is going to reek no matter what you do, so you might as well get creative.

Greg Zielewski recently found a Fleshlight filled with sardines.

Image from flickr.