New York is one of the most fun cities in the world, but it’s also one of the most expensive. Navigating a world famous metropolis without breaking the bank is tricky, but here are a few tips that can make your stay in New York an unforgettable bargain!
1. Brunch At The Dunkin’ Donuts By Carnegie Hall
Hit the famous concert hall to ask nice folks for some help with funding your eighty-nine cent hashbrowns breakfast! Don’t forget to let people know how hungry you are! If someone is generous enough to give you enough, try some of DD’s famous hot and brown water. Use the bathroom while you’re there. Enjoy their seats. Stay there until the manager kicks you out!
2. Definitely Grab Those Gloves You Found On The Ground
Many bargain hunters in The Big Apple will notice that winters here are really chilly, especially after you get used to the warm, luxurious environs of Dunkin’ Donuts. While you’re outside, don’t make the rookie mistake of getting both your hands frost bitten! If you peep some sidewalk gloves, snatch ‘em up!
3. Befriend A Local
Many speak of Northeasterners’ impersonal attitude, but astute visitors to NYC know that the city is filled with friendly individuals ready to shoot the breeze about anything from the kinds of bread they’ve eaten to last night’s Knicks game.
4. Give A Rousing Speech On The N Train To Earn Money
Why pay for entertainment when you can grace a stage of your own? Smart travelers know that if you are going beg for cash from strangers, you had best give your performance to a captive audience. Be tenacious. These people have cash, and if they say they don’t, they’re lying. It’s getting late. You can’t afford to walk away with nothing. You are a budget traveler.
5. Choose Either To Eat Again Or Get Smashed At One Of Brooklyn’s Fine 7/11 Locations
What would a trip to New York be if you didn’t take a chance to enjoy its fabulous nightlife? Your train pitch squeezed out five bucks, so you can paint the town red! You’ve only consumed 250 calories today and that’s barely enough to prevent your body from eating itself, so you could grab a high calorie snack to fill your stomach overnight. But you’d still be conscious, and you are definitely not about that life. So, enjoy one of New York’s delicious Steel Reserve tallboys. It’s truly the authentic New York experience! Also, the employees at the store on Flatbush don’t care if you drink or smoke in front of the door, so make yourself at home, and see if you can bum a square off of that dude with holes in his hoodie.
6. Sleep Outside Because You Have No Other Options
Where to find a place to crash in the City That Never Sleeps? All the shelters are filled. Look for a building stoop if ambiance is your thing, but know it won’t keep you from freezing your ass off. Search dumpsters for any booze to keep your buzz going. The night can be dangerous and scary, so to keep people away from you, harshly whisper the words “Barry Goldwater went to the store” repeatedly. Pray to a dead god. Then catch some Zs on the cheap!
Making the most out of a trip to New York City without going broke isn’t easy, but with this helpful itinerary, you can just scrape out an existence every single day!
Patrick Reilly only eats rice.