Homeless Guy Named Tim: ‘I Stand By Planned Parenthood Every Day’


NEW YORK — The Republican-controlled House of Representatives recently passed a bill to defund Planned Parenthood, causing a social media backlash centered around the trending hashtag #IStandWithPlannedParenthood. In response to this online activism, local homeless man Tim Barker nodded and simply stated “I stand by Planned Parenthood every day of my life.”

“I was at the library and saw these articles where people claimed they stand by Planned Parenthood,” said the grizzled Barker. “But I’ve been standing by the Planned Parenthood on Court Street for five years, and I haven’t seen any of these people standing around. It just seems a bit fishy.”

When asked if he supports the funding of reproductive health screenings and subsidized abortions, Tim said he unconditionally stands by the building, and if standing by Planned Parenthood signifies support, he’s the most avid women’s health ally in the Tri-state area.

“I’d like to see these hashtaggers literally standing by Planned Parenthood with me,” Barker said, “Especially if they have cash and don’t try to convert me. Those Christians give me a headache.”

Although he appreciates the rally for affordable women’s health, Barker did ask that supporters stop appropriating his actual physical space by Planned Parenthood, especially since affordable housing for homeless people remains on the political back burner.

After reading more articles and following the online trend, Barker informed reporters that he also regularly stands behind Planned Parenthood, because that’s where they throw out the stale baked goods.

Bronwyn Isaac would stand on top of Planned Parenthood if she could figure out how to climb up there.

Image by staticflickr.

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Bronwyn Ariel Isaac is a retired bridge troll who currently resides in laundromats all over Chicago (primarily Pilsen/Little Village). She attended The School of the Art Institute of Chicago for writing right before the United States fully transformed into a bad 1950s sitcom. You can occasionally spot her in public telling edgy puns, reading poetry/essays out loud, pretending to do stand up comedy, and pouring out the remaining crumbs of her soul to complete strangers.