Hillary Clinton Announces Plans To Apply For A Job

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WASHINGTON, D.C. – Unemployed local resident Hillary Clinton, sister-in-law of actor and musician Roger Clinton, Jr., is planning to apply for a job, according to a self-published video.

Sources said Clinton, who was born in both Arkansas and New York, is looking for government work, particularly in the field of running the free world.

“Frankly, I’m bored,” admitted the 67-year-old retired secretary. “And the Clinton political machine needs to be fired up every four years, lest it develop rust.”

“This is for all the women who belong to the most powerful political family in the world,” said Clinton. “God bless all of them, unless, of course, they’re not into God.”

Friends of Clinton said she is looking to spend more time away from her house, which she shares with a cardboard cutout of her husband, Bill, an unemployed resident of New York.

“I’ll start by applying in Iowa,” said the former government worker. “I’ve spent my entire life growing corn and rooting for the Hawkeyes, so it seems like a perfect fit.”

If the hunt in Iowa proves unfruitful, she plans to apply for jobs in New Hampshire, which Clinton says “will always be home, as it was the place of my birth.”

In the video launching her job hunt, Clinton painted a picture of a woman willing to adopt whatever positions an employer might prefer.

“I’m an idealist, a pragmatist, a dreamer, and a hard-working regular person,” said Clinton, stroking a dog and a cat. “I like my steaks rare or well-done, and I never eat steak.”

Clinton said she hoped her job hunt inspired her daughter, Chelsea, who has also failed to find steady employment for several years.

John Clark is so fired up for 2016.

Image by Wikimedia.