MARRAKESH, MOROCCO — On their recent honeymoon, local newlyweds Ben and Vanessa Stevens saw mosques from the 12th century, rode camels and tasted some of the exotic local cuisine but by far the highlight of the trip was haggling with the street vendors, according to Ben who is an asshole.
Though customary, haggling with the local street vendors often makes many tourists from wealthier nations uncomfortable, but this was not the case for Stevens.
“I didn’t really even want the hat,” said Stevens, gesturing to the new straw fedora in his bag. “The fun is trying to screw the fella out of some money that he could use to feed his family.”
“I talked this one guy down on a purse for Vanessa from 90 Dirhams to 45, just like that,” Stevens also bragged. “I’ll give it to her for her birthday or something cause it looks way more expensive than what I paid for it.”
A source within the couple’s travel group confirmed they overheard Stevens telling a vendor to go fuck himself after the vendor refused to come down on the price of a sack of roasted almonds.
“A lot of these guys see me and think ‘Oh, a rich white tourist I can fleece,'” Stevens said. “Not so fast buddy. I know that paying 12 Dirhams for an orange is straight up robbery, even though that’s only like $1.20 in US dollars and I can afford it and I’m on vacation and should just be having a nice time.”
Stevens’ new bride was more focused on other aspects of the beautiful market, including the exotic types of fruit neither of them had ever seen before, none of which Stevens noticed.
“He kept wanting me to be impressed by the good deals he was getting,” Vanessa said. “I guess this is the kind of thing my sister was talking about before the wedding.”
Upon arriving back in the States, Stevens kept his hot streak alive by talking an African cab driver down to $35 for the ride home from the airport.
Cole Moser once haggled a guy down from $8 to $7 for a bottled water at Lollapalooza.