French Maid Fails To Complete Basic Cleaning Tasks

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CHICAGO, Ill. – Despite arriving in full sanitation garb, a French maid failed to complete a single cleaning task during a recent house party, according to the disappointed host.

“I knew my friends would make a mess, so I thought it was swell of them to hire a European cleaning lady,” said the host. “But she didn’t do a goddamn thing.”

Sources say the “French” maid spoke with a thick New Jersey accent and failed to throw even her own dishes away. Several party attendees also noted that her apron was alarmingly short.

“At one point, I asked if she’d at least take out the trash,” said the host. “She just giggled, tickled my shoulder with a feather duster, and pursed her lips. Totally unprofessional.”

Curiously, the party also included a police officer with little knowledge of criminal procedure, a zombie with a clear distaste for human flesh, and an unindicted Richard Nixon.

John Clark doesn’t celebrate pagan holidays. Image courtesy whatever this is