WASHINGTON D.C. — This week, in a surprising bipartisan display, Congress successfully dropped the Bald Eagle and changed the United States National Bird to the finger, sources confirmed.
Congresswoman Suzan Delbene (D – Wash.) made the proposal accidentally, when a fellow representative suggested the avian mascot be changed and she responded “Hey buddy, I got what you can change it to right here!”
Her claim resulted in raucous cheers and jeers that lasted twenty minutes.
When the proposal was first put to Congress legislative experts assumed the issue would stall due to partisan fighting, but it soon became obvious that the parties could not help showing their support for the issue at hand by raising their own.
“The Bald Eagle is a bold animal that served as an important symbol for our country to this point, but we enter a new era,” said Speaker of the House John Boehner. “Rather than an endangered species that none of us will ever use in traffic, we have updated our nation’s bird to one that any citizen can raise to another in the way that we’d like to raise it to the rest of the world moving forward.”
Ian Abramson’s second favorite bird is the Great Tit.