Feminist Flirts That Are Sure To Clear The Bar

0
1

Looking to flirt like a feminist? Want to get the attention of a fly honey at the bar but don’t want to give up your autonomy or let that honey think that you are willing to compromise your identity for them? Want them to know that flirting with you is completely your choice? Don’t fret, girl/boy/them-friend! We know just the things to say that will be fun, flirty, and clear the entire bar because no one gets horny for that.

“I may be the Second Sex, but I’d like to have sex first with you.”

This one is a classic because it will make them smile, but that smile will quickly fade once you ask if they’ve ever read Second Sex. Whether or not they say yes, you can pretend that they need you to explain it to them pretentiously. Double points for pulling out the book and reading your favorite excerpts! This will no doubt turn YOU on–because what’s sexier to yourself than hearing your own voice read feminist texts out loud?–but it will make them pretend they have to take a phone call outside and then never come back.

 

“My body, my choice… and my choice is to take you home to my sexy chambers.”

It is important to let people know that you are flirting of your own accord. Very attractive for people to know that! Also throwing in the words ‘sexy chambers’ lets them know that you are as playful as a 16th century manor lord.

 

“Is that self-respect in your pocket or are you just totally respecting my boundaries and maintaining your own personal and emotional space?”

This one IS a mouthful, so it is a sure-fire way to let them know that you stand for key issues and you respect them… but that you are probably a feminist buzzkill that will require a lot of lengthy discussions on identity politics before getting into the sack.

 

“Are you Gertrude Stein cause I want you to un-do my tender buttons?”

This is a hilariously cute deep cut! It implies that you want to undress them, but only if they consent. If they reply with, ‘What? Who is Gertrude Stein?’ Take this opportunity to loudly explain (feel free to take a page from the first example and present passages of her book) who Gertrude Stein was and go on a lengthy tangent about her lover Alice B. Toklas. Your love interest will be gone before you get to the interesting anecdote about Toklas’ cookbook that had a recipe for pot brownies in it.

 

“Would a big, stwong daddy like you wanna wittle baby girl like me on your lappy lap?”

Okay, this one is definitely satirical as you are playing up the infantilization of women for the subservient pleasure of men. You can quickly follow-up with a “gotcha!” and then explain exactly what made that pick-up line both funny and disgusting. If your prey took pleasure in your initial line, make sure to wag your finger and tell them they are a bad boy. If they haven’t left the bar yet then continue your lecture with a deep tangent on the Virgin/Whore complex. If they have stuck around for the whole lecture, then add something about wanting to be their whore tonight provided they give consent.

Well if you’ve followed all of these feminist tips then it sounds like you’ll have another successful night alone at home watching re-runs of Murphy Brown and crying over a bottle of Merlot.

Stephanie Weber would love to flirt with you, provided you fill out this survey that attempts to understand how you view the constructs of gender and race. 

Image by kristoffer-trolle.