MINNEAPOLIS, Minn. — Local feminist Elizabeth Phillips made a desperate plea via Facebook to any and all “strong men” to help her move from her apartment, according to sources.
Phillips, 33, who frequently engages in arguments with people at bars over pay inequality and access to affordable women’s health screenings, is moving from the Uptown neighborhood to an apartment in Loring Park.
“Well, well, well,” said Facebook friend Tyler Robinson. “I guess she needs us after all.”
According to her post, the job should only take a few hours and anyone that helps will be rewarded with free pizza and beer.
“She’s 33,” said coworker James Hendricks. “She can hire movers. I’m not going to spend my entire day off moving her shit for Domino’s pizza and a few domestic beers that have been in the back of her fridge since God knows when.”
Hendricks continued: “I’m not falling for this again.”
“She keeps talking about pizza and beer like that’s some kind of payment,” said Derek Neal, who’s been dodging texts from Elizabeth for the last week. “I’ve helped her move three times in the last two years and she wouldn’t even let me pick the topping on the pizza.”
Friends of Phillips encouraged her to try a variety of affordable moving companies, but Phillips insisted she only had “a few things” and that if no one would help her, she’d just do it herself.
“Liz reached out to me about helping her move over Facebook, not even a text or a phone call,” said ex-boyfriend Steve Baker. “I haven’t talked to her in eight months. I’m not going to start by moving the very dresser we broke up about.
Phillips’ plea to men for help comes just two days after she spent 14 hours on Facebook vehemently arguing with friends about how women do not need men and all men are monsters who only look at women as objects and have no respect for any women in their life that aren’t their mother or sister.
“I’m not trying to be a jerk here, but she’s always comparing herself to Beyonce,” Robinson said at press time. “When Beyonce is moving, do you think she puts out a desperate plea on Facebook for men to help her for little to no payment. No. She hires movers, because she’s a grown up who uses her money instead of her looks to get what she needs.”
Kyle Scanlan maintains that he is an ally with a bad back.