Facebook Now Displays Three More Emotions Than Man’s Father

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PALO ALTO, Calif. — After months of testing social networking giant Facebook has unveiled Facebook Reactions, allowing users to, instead of simply liking a post, respond with a number of emojis that convey laughter, sadness, or “Wow” which for local man Patrick Mitchell now gives Facebook three distinct emotions more than his father.

The response overall has been positive with users excited to have Facebook fill an even larger emotional voids in their lives, with many excitedly pointing out that Facebook now displays more emotions than many of their close family members.

“Christ what I wouldn’t give to have my dad give me a ‘Wow,'” Mitchell, 27, said after the formal launch of Reactions. He immediately set about convincing his father to sign up for the social network.

“My father is a good man, but he’s never been very demonstrative” said Mitchell. “He always worked long hours and had to travel a lot for work. I assume he loves me, but an emoji would really help drive that point home.”

Mitchell then went on to say that love isn’t the only emotion that Facebook has that his father is lacking.

“The sad Reaction has tears running down its face. I’ve never seen my dad cry,” Mitchell added. “He didn’t even tear up when Mom died, I mean Jesus, Dad.”

Noting that it wasn’t just love and sadness that were missing from his upbringing, Mitchell also brought up the desire to see his father display anything.

“I guess I saw him pretty angry when Joe Montana was traded, but really that was about it,” he said. “He didn’t punch a wall or anything, but he seemed like that got him pretty good.”

It’s been two weeks since Mitchell friend requested his father. He has not accepted as of this publication.

Adam Sokol would even take an I See You, Son button.

Image by jemimus.