Entire Wedding Reception White-Knuckling It Through Best Man Speech’s Ex-Girlfriend Section

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GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. — The wedding reception for local newlyweds Kyle and Miranda Byers took a turn for a worse on Saturday when best man Jason Alvarez arrived at the ex-girlfriend section of his speech.

The speech began with a few funny anecdotes about Kyle and Jason going to high school and college together, but college immediately brought mention of Kyle’s ex-girlfriend whom he was brokenhearted over for a long time after their three-year relationship. The wedding guests feigned laughter when Jason even said Kyle’s mom missed the ex-girlfriend and wished it had been her instead of Miranda. Miranda, newly married to Kyle, politely laughed through a pained, forced smile at the “joke” that she suspected to be true.

The ribaldry didn’t stop there, however. Jason then even brought up Kyle’s post-college rebound girlfriend and how “smoking hot” she was, “unlike any of Kyle’s other girls–except for Miranda, of course.” Many at the reception felt that the pause he took in that “joke” was far too long to be purposeful, while one drunk uncle applauded in agreement. None of the reception attendees could be sure if the uncle was cheering on the hotness of Kyle’s former relationships or of Miranda who was seated right next to Kyle, frowning.

It was noted that around this time Kyle’s discomfort became clear, especially since he knew that Jason would not hold back about his next ex-girlfriend, the beautiful marine biologist with who got away. Gazes were averted around the dining hall when Kyle blushed at the mention of her name and the description of the time the couple was caught inexplicably having sex on a ferris wheel.

The wedding reception breathed a sigh of relief when Jason finally sat down, ending his roller-coaster-ride of a speech. Reportedly, however, the maid of honor took the stand and immediately opened with a dick joke.

Stephanie Weber hopes mentioning her name will someday make everyone uncomfortable at a wedding reception.

Image by katielips.