Editor Copy-Pastes Mass Shooting Template

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EL SEGUNDO, Calif. — Upon hearing the news of the Las Vegas mass shooting, El Segundo Herald news editor Connor Wright responded by copying and pasting the mass-shooting template the paper uses for large-scale gun-violence incidents.

“Originally we were writing a new article every time this happened,” said Wright, “but it was really bumming people out. This is much better.”

After filling in the name of the city and time of the event, Wright sprung into action and typed in the number of dead and injured. A second glance showed that he had put these two numbers in the wrong field. “Nobody’s perfect,” Wright said to himself before correcting the error.

To complete the article, Wright selected the already-written “mentally-ill, lone shooter” paragraph since the “radicalized extremist” perma-paragraph didn’t seem to apply.

“I hope that one day we won’t have to write about terrible events like these, or at the very least, we can figure out how to do a drop-down menu to cut down on typos,” Wright said at press time.

Dan Drees wrote this article in a mad lib.

Image by Andrew Currie