Dumbass Thinks Sugar Canister Is ‘Big Salt’

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CHICAGO — Patron at Sam & George’s Diner on Chicago’s north side Dean Doyle, 28, poured a bunch of sugar on his egg skillet this past Sunday morning, sources have reported.

Because the actual, smaller salt shaker was obscured by the ketchup bottle, Doyle–an all-around doofus–reached over and grabbed the much larger sugar canister, mistaking it for salt. He then ignorantly poured the sugar all over his egg and cheese breakfast like some kind of cartoon moron.

According to other diners at the restaurant, the dumb-dumb appeared delighted when he shook out the sugar onto his scrambled egg dish, which is a savory breakfast item that typically is served sans sweetener of any kind.

“The dumbass looked like we had given him a gift or something,” waitress Dina Maros remarked. “He even held it up and said thanks. Like an idiot.”

More than halfway through his meal, the neighborhood dunce noticed the actual salt shaker behind the ketchup. He reportedly held it up and asked, “Why are there two salts?”

Stephanie Weber doesn’t even believe in salt.

Image by kfresh.