Donald Trump’s Tax Plan Includes Massive Cuts For Donald Trump

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NEW YORK — Donald Trump recently revealed his tax plan, which he claims is designed to stimulate enterprise and bring businesses back to the USA.

The plan includes a lower tax rate for businesses, and a one-time 10% tax on all overseas profits as an attempt to encourage businesses to move their operations to the USA. Additionally, to support the tourism industry, which Trump explained brings foreign dollars to the US economy, all hotels and hotel-owners will be given significant tax breaks.

Trump’s plan also includes significant tax cuts for the wealthy, such as a maximum 25% tax on the highest earners. In the cases where the highest earners are also reality TV shows, the tax will be adjusted to 1%, so that they can “promote their brand” and increase revenue by displaying a lavish lifestyle on TV.

In his announcement, Trump made it clear that he understands the difficulty of the tax burden for the middle class and stated his plans to federally reclassify certain retail items as essential so that they could not legally be subject to state sales tax. Those items include all hairpieces, all tooth-whitening treatments, and all Donald Trump-branded merchandise sold at Macy’s.

In a move that surprised many, Trump’s tax plan also allocates a significant portion of federal tax revenue for a fund that supports the betterment of historically oppressed demographics of the American public. Specifically, Trump intends to set up a federal fund that gives financial support to Orange people whose abuse of self-tanner has been ridiculed and mocked. Mr. Trump explained that, in order to truly be the land of equality, the American people have a moral obligation to support the people whom they have historically exploited. The funds, which will be granted to anyone who can provide photographic proof that they have spent a significant portion of their lives as part of the marginalized Orange demographic, may be used to pay for therapy, as seed money for small businesses, or to finance relaxing and therapeutic vacations.

Late in his speech, Trump defended the beleaguered group.

“I know this guy, he’s this great guy,” Trump said. “Never a better guy. I know this guy, he owns a lot of hotels and he had a TV show until some loser network kicked him off. This guy, he’s a winner, and he’ll use the money he gets from this essential federal relief fund to start his next business endeavor, maybe even to buy some shirts at Macy’s. This guy, he believes in stimulating the economy. What a great guy.”

Gwen Lawson is a big proponent of a tax plan that benefits girls named Gwen who are struggling to provide for their cats.

Image by Gage Skidmore.