Depressed Quarterback Falls Into Tight Spiral


DALLAS, Texas – After years of keeping his emotions in the pocket, depressed quarterback Chet McCoy has fallen into a tight spiral, sources said Tuesday.

“My therapist says my receivers are open,” said McCoy in an interview with Men’s Mental Health Magazine. “But lately I feel like I’m always throwing off my back foot.”

“Every morning it’s like I’m starting at first and 20,” said McCoy. “It’s hard to feel up when you’ve got so many downs.”

McCoy’s actions on the field have become increasingly erratic, and the player’s recent decision to run a naked bootleg prompted his wife to call a psychologist.

“He walks around the house muttering ‘hut one,’ ‘hut two,’” said McCoy’s wife, Leslie. “He’s referring to the damp, dark sheds in the backyard where he spends most of his time.”

McCoy’s lone silver lining, according to his wife, is reading the playbook, but even that hobby hasn’t kept his mind from wandering towards unproductive thoughts.

“Sometimes I’ll line up behind my center and just stare into the neutral zone,” said McCoy. “Why can’t I enter that zone? What’s wrong with finding balance?”

John Clark understands.

Image by flickr.