Couple Staying Together For The Dog

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PHILADELPHIA — After three years of sitting on opposite ends of the couch staring at their individual laptops to avoid conversation, local couple Katie Keith and Brad Mason announced Thursday that they were only staying together for their dog.

“Unhappy couples without dogs have it so easy,” said Katie, 27, while walking Sparky, the couple’s three-year-old Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, around the block. “They just wait until their lease is up and move in with a friend they haven’t really talked to in two years.”

Keith continued: “Brad and I decided to get a dog together very early in our relationship and we just want that dog to grow up in the best environment possible.”

Friends and family of the couple claim they have been unhappy for years and believe perhaps the dog would be happier if it were to just live with Brad because it was his idea to get the dog anyway.

“Katie and I have our differences,” lamented Brad, 28, while taking a frozen pizza out of the oven at 1 a.m. “But we’re going to see this through.”

At press time, sources confirmed that the couple had re-signed their lease but were now sleeping in separate beds.

Kyle Scanlan really wanted to make a Blink 182 joke throughout this article, but didn’t. He’s really growing up.

Image by morch.