KNOXVILLE, Tenn. — After dating for nearly six months, a local couple has incorrectly identified their crippling codependency, as well as their dual abandonment issues and generalized anxiety, as true love, sources on social media have confirmed.
Brody Powers, 25, and Kara McHale, 24, have formally pronounced they are truly in love with one another, with the two former extroverts posting an excessively sentimental status to Facebook to deliver the news to their friends and family earlier this week.
“I was worried something was wrong with Brody,” said Powers’ college friend Ryan Parker, “but I’m relieved to know that the reason I never see him and the reason he never wants to do anything fun is because he’s so in love.”
Though they each have massive friend groups, since meeting the couple has settled on mostly spending time with each other.
“Dating Brody is so great,” said McHale. “We both compulsively seek acceptance and are obsessive people-pleasers, so all we do is make each other happy.”
“That’s right, babe,” agreed Powers, who was cuddling his beloved in a way that ensured she couldn’t get away even if she wanted to. “We’re both terrified of rejection, which I think means we’re perfect for one another.”
A few hours following the initial status, a photo of the happy couple smiling and hugging was posted to their respective Facebook and Instagram profiles.
“We’re trying to convince our friends we’re in love just as much as we’re trying to convince ourselves,” explained Powers when asked about the new photo.
“I was a little skeptical at first,” said Parker, “but Brody has known this lady for nearly one-fiftieth of his life. When the fraction of time is that significant, then I suppose you can know it’s true love.”
Despite each having grand dreams and creative ambitions at one point in their lives, the two settlers have decided to move in together in the coming months and eventually stop using singular first-person pronouns all together.
“We’re going to love it,” said McHale.
Tyler Snodgrass is probably just bitter.
Image from Flickr