EVANSTON, Ill. — This Wednesday, soon-to-be newlyweds Dave Jacoby and Kim Simmons gleefully agreed to owe hundreds of thousands of dollars to an international bank with unlimited legal resources, sources confirmed.
“Kim and I just signed our names to inscrutable legal documents with potentially severe consequences,” said Jacoby. “This calls for some champagne!”
Jacoby and Simmons have rented an apartment for the past three years, but they reportedly grew tired of not having responsibility for taxes and repairs.
“Every day I walk past my local elementary school and lament that I’m not directly contributing property taxes for the education of my neighbors’ children,” said Jacoby.
The couple admitted they were intimidated by the mortgage documents, but said their fears were eased by the finely suited men who steered them through the process.
“The font was tiny, and most of it was in Latin, but our attorney, broker, and sales agent all claimed the terms looked fine,” said Chase. “At least they said so as they sprinted out the door.”
John Clark is an experienced real estate attorney.
Image by Byrnesagency.com