Couple Already Regretting Tandem Bike Purchase


BOISE, Idaho — An Idaho couple is already regretting their spontaneous purchase of a tandem bicycle over the weekend, according to sources.

“We were walking back from brunch on Saturday and saw this cute tandem bicycle for sale by the side of the road,” said Alexis Phillips, 31. “James has been trying to get me to bike with him for years, so this seemed like a fun way to do it.”

“I couldn’t have been more wrong,” Phillips said, slamming her helmet on the ground.

The couple’s first ride lasted just 15 minutes, before the two were seen screaming obscenities in a local park.

“It’s a lot like riding a regular bike,” James Phillips said after throwing the beer in his hand at the nearby tandem bike. “Except turning is impossible and more than one person needs to understand the concept of peddling.”

Friends of the couple confirmed they attempted to return the tandem bicycle to its previous owner within two hours of the purchase, but were told all sales are final. The couple silently walked the tandem bicycle back to their home over two and half miles away.

“This bike is the goddamn devil’s transportation,” Alexis groaned.

At press time the couple was refusing to leave opposite ends of the couch.

Kyle Scanlan should have known better. 

Image by Adrienne Johnson.