MARIETTA, Ga. — During a membership recruitment soiree last weekend, members of Wrightwood Country Club praised the club’s unparalleled ethnic diversity within its service staff.
“Take a look around, gentlemen, and I think you’ll find that we’ve concocted quite the melting pot here at Wrightwood,” said Club President Dr. Oliver C. Glentworth to a group of prospective members. “Why, just yesterday I ordered a Beef Wellington from our Colombian waiter, Manuel, and had it brought out to me by Chen, a fine, equally capable Chinaman.”
According to Dr. Glentworth, all staff members—regardless of their race, religion or creed—are even entitled to the club’s full employee benefits, which include unlimited Shirley Temples, a food maximum of one hot dog per shift and designated parking spots between the golf cart shack and dumpsters.
“Even today, country clubs across the state still restrict employment to only black people. Back of house, front of house–it’s all homogenized,” Glentworth continued. “Fortunately, we’re far more progressive than that, and rightfully so. We feel it’s imperative that our children be exposed to people from all walks of life.”
Sources confirmed that approval of Wrightwood’s progressive policies isn’t limited to just its board members either. In fact, even many of the blue-blooded members lauded the country club’s multiculturalism.
“I don’t give a damn if they’re black, red, green or purple,” 76-year-old member Judge Hamilton Paine III declared while shooing away an African-America server who delivered him an Old Fashioned. “So long as my shoes are shined come high tea, I’m a happy man.”
Glentworth went on to boast Wrightwood plans on hiring their first ever Jewish cashier as soon as new security cameras are installed in the snack bar.
Chad Thurman will shine anything for a Shirley Temple. ANYTHING.
Image by Dan Perry.