Congress Divided On New Taylor Swift Album


WASHINGTON, DC—Both the Senate and the House of Representatives failed to come to any consensus this week regarding their opinion of Taylor Swift’s new album. The record, 1989, has been causing controversy among listeners since its release and the nation’s legislative body is no exception.

“I don’t see why everyone’s so crazy about it–it’s just over-polished corporate pop,” said Steve Scalise, (R-LA) who has received over $250,000 in donations from oil and gas interests last year.

Swift’s musical output has long been a source of faction on Capitol Hill. Party ideologies have largely been discarded as numerous Democrats and Republicans reach across the aisle to press “play” or “stop” on the Congressional iHome. This has been indisputably the most divisive issue in Congress this year, one Senator calling agreement on a fiscal budget “child’s play” in comparison.

“It’s easy to agree on small stuff that doesn’t matter, but once you get to the big issues like Tay, that’s when it gets ugly,” said Charles Schumer (D-NY) who for some reason, was okay with being named in this article.

It was clear that animosity on the floor of the House had reached a boiling point yesterday when the album’s eighth track “Bad Blood” was played over the chamber PA, prompting a muddled din of cheers and groans.

“This is my shit!” exclaimed Lynn Jenkins (R-Kan).

Members of the Senate seem so invested in their opinions of the album that other legislative business has been put to the side. A discussion on tax code turned into a debate on 1989’s rightful place on a “best of the year” list, during which an impromptu dance party erupted, involving members of the newly created Committee on Feel Good Jams. Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NE) was seen gyrating his hips in a decidedly un-Congressional fashion.

“I’m so sick of hearing those songs,” said Patty Murray (D-WA), who represents almost 7 million people. “She’s so mainstream.”

“Oh shut up you stupid hipster!” retorted Mark Begich (D-AK). “T-Swift has written more hits than you’ve cosponsored bills.”

At press time, Roy Blunt (R-MO) was conducting a filibuster by playing the album on repeat.

Patrick Reilly wants a representative that appreciates deep cuts. 

Image by Tony Brooks.