Church Camp Counselor Gets Birds And Bees Talk From Campers


PITTSBURGH, Penn. — After a spirited game of Ultimate Frisbee, 25-year-old Christian camp counselor Nathan Coxfield was sat down by his sixth grade campers for a birds and bees talk, sources at the Aliquippa Retreat Center reported.

“We felt it was time for Nathan to understand how babies are made,” said 11-year-old Skyler Gray. “It was pretty obvious he’s confused when he told us baby spirits are absorbed through sweaty hand-holding and impure thoughts.”

The campers sat Coxfield down in the shade of a weeping willow where they gently explained their knowledge of fifth grade sex-ed, while pouring him a lemonade as a comfort offering.

“I think he took it pretty well, except he kept mentioning the significance of the female belly button, and we weren’t sure about that,” said 11-year-old Timmy Kim, “I guess it was a lot to process.”

Feeling relieved from the success of the talk, the group of campers opted to wait until next year to address Coxfield’s comments about fitted t-shirts and dental hygiene being a gateway to homosexuality.

Bronwyn Isaac avoids extended eye contact at drum circles for fear of unplanned pregnancy.

Image by Wikipedia.

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Bronwyn Ariel Isaac is a retired bridge troll who currently resides in laundromats all over Chicago (primarily Pilsen/Little Village). She attended The School of the Art Institute of Chicago for writing right before the United States fully transformed into a bad 1950s sitcom. You can occasionally spot her in public telling edgy puns, reading poetry/essays out loud, pretending to do stand up comedy, and pouring out the remaining crumbs of her soul to complete strangers.