Chris Christie Denies Eating Sandwich While Eating Sandwich


NEWARK, N.J. – In a heated exchange with reporters this morning, New Jersey Governor Chris “Chris” Christie angrily denied he was eating a sandwich, while mustard and bits of meat dripped down his chin.

“I’m outraged by the baseless allegation that I’m currently devouring a delicious ham and cheese hoagie,” said Christie, as he aggressively chewed the business end of a hearty deli treat.

When reporters pressed Christie on the issue, the governor appeared to choke up, though it was unclear whether his discomfort was due to emotion or indigestion.

“I love New Jersey. I love these people. I love this country,” said Christie, wiping a fallen red onion off his lapel. “And I’m not eating a goddamn sandwich.”

Predictably, the bizarre denial received varied media treatment. Fox News insisted Christie has never eaten a sandwich in his life, MSNBC claimed Christie was eating a Latino baby, and CNN was distracted by a shiny object.

John Clark just learned the sandwich refused to vote for Christie in 2013.

Image courtesy James Webb, graphics savant and all-around human guy.