CHICAGO — Following Labor Day and the onset of cooler temperatures, the city of Chicago drained Lake Michigan this past weekend.
“Winter is right around the corner, so unfortunately we have to close the lake to the public,” said Mayor Rahm Emanuel in a press conference.
Sources confirmed that city workers will be winterizing the pipes flowing into the lake, laying a tarp over the lake bed, and shutting down all access to the Chicago River. Several thousand citizens who were hoping that the Great Lake would stay open for at least another couple weeks noted that Cleveland hasn’t yet drained Lake Erie.
“I know many of you are disappointed, but I also know all of you had a lot of fun in the lake this summer,” explained the mayor. “Plus this winter will be over before you know it, and we’ll be filling it up for Memorial Day in no time.”
At press time, millions of citizens expressed regret that they never got a chance to ask out that North Avenue Beach life guard Michelle.
Tommy Molzahn is investigating where the hell summer went.
Image by Jill Allyn Stafford.