Cat Sleeps Through Entirety Of Couple’s Intercourse

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ELLENVILLE, N.Y. — Local couple Peter Cohen and Emily Shamanski have reported that their three-year-old cat Binks has once again slept through the entirety of their intercourse.

The couple who have been together for four years have reported an increase in their cat being unbothered by their sexual activities. This past Sunday when Binks most recently slept through all of their intercourse– from foreplay to post-coital cuddling– the cat even slept on the very same bed they were making love on, not moving a single inch.

“It’s a little embarrassing,” Cohen, 34, admitted. “Like he’s on the bed with us, we’re moving around, but he’s just asleep? Is it like, not that wild or something? Have we gotten lame?”

Shamanski, 32, added that Binks will often get up if she moves the covers a little during sleep or if she chews too loudly during breakfast. “Tiny noises and movements bother him, but sex doesn’t. It’s not like we aren’t moving. I promise we are! I promise it is good sex!”

The couple wondered if Binks was somehow turned on by the sex, but the couple have both confirmed that Binks is completely asleep with his eyes closed during the entire ten minute “bang sesh.” Cohen would like to interpret this bothersome behavior as motivation for him to get kinkier, louder, and wilder in the bedroom.

“My goal used to be to make sure Emily has an orgasm every time, but now it’s make sure the cat wakes up and gets off the bed.”

When asked why the couple didn’t move the cat themselves, shooing him off the bed so that they can be alone, the two of them said that they don’t like to bother him. “It’s so hard to get him to cuddle on the bed with us. I don’t want to actively discourage my little baby,” Shamanski said. She then bent over and kissed her cat more than she kissed her boyfriend in the last 24 hours alone.

Stephanie Weber completely made up this story, never finding inspiration from true events. 

Image by Kārlis Dambrāns.