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Breaking News

Breaking News

June 23, 2017

Jimmy Fallon Comes Right Out And Asks Will Ferrell If His Upcoming Movie Sucks

NEW YORK — In a shocking moment of candor that stunned the Tonight Show audience, host Jimmy Fallon began his interview with Will Ferrell by straight […]
June 22, 2017

Senate Confirms Its Version Of Healthcare Bill Will Fully Cover All Yachting Injuries

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Breaking the long silence on the specifics of what the GOP healthcare bill will cover and what it will not, Senate Majority Leader […]
June 21, 2017

Daniel Day-Lewis Retires From Acting To Prepare For New Role As Retired Actor

ROXBURY, Conn. — On Tuesday, Academy Award-winning actor Daniel Day-Lewis announced he would be retiring from acting to train for a new role as a retired […]
June 20, 2017

Forensic Sketch Artist Shows What The American Dream Might Look Like Today

WASHINGTON D.C. — Utilizing advanced imaging technology in hopes of generating a lead, FBI forensic artist Maria Vaughn released an age-progression sketch Tuesday depicting what the […]
June 19, 2017

Total Fucking Moron Fills Out Guest Copy Receipt

RALEIGH, N.C. — Expressing surprise that he filled in “the wrong one,” sources confirmed Friday that local man Lucas Castaneda filled out the guest copy receipt […]
June 15, 2017

Returning Astronaut Can’t Believe No One Fucked His Wife

MADISON, Wis. — “I’m just happy to be home and I’m looking forward to spending lots of quality time with my beautiful wife, Marcy, and our […]
June 14, 2017

Potential Party Spots For President Trump’s Birthday

Today is President Trump’s 71st birthday and no one, NO ONE, celebrates their birthday like Donald Trump. Here are some potential party spots for President Trump’s […]
June 13, 2017

‘Wonder Woman’ Reveals Heartening New Ways For Local Chauvinist To Subjugate Women

GARY, Ind. — After a screening of Wonder Woman on Monday, local chauvinist Seth Tannen reported a total change of heart in his feelings toward women. “I used […]