Bracket Fucked


STERLING, Va. — Although not even a full hour into this year’s NCAA college basketball tournament sources reported that a local bracket is already fucked.

“Yep, it’s fucked,” said Darren Mattington, administrator of the doomed bracket. “They’re already down by seven in the first half. No way they are coming back. Bracket’s fucked.”

Mattington picked UNC-Wilmington, a 13-seed, to beat fourth-seeded Duke in the tournament’s first match, as well as multiple early round upsets including two five-seeds over 12-seeds.

“Gary Parrish from CBS said Duke was vulnerable so I picked the upset,” Mattington explained. “Now Cathy or one of the accounting interns is going to win $400 even though they picked on team colors or something.”

“Oh good, UConn’s down by 11 now,” Mattington, 34, added in sarcastic exasperation. “I had them in the Sweet Sixteen. I went with my gut and look where it got me.”

“Why do I do this every year?” Mattington asked in frustration. “I listened to goddamn [ESPN analyst] Seth Davis and he knows jackshit apparently.”

Mattington, who spent three days coming up with a funny name for his bracket in the office pool, was hopeful this would finally be the tournament to win him respect and cash but will now let it ruin his next few weekends.

After only 35 minutes of basketball action Mattington angrily turned off the TV in the office lounge and set about making the rest of the day miserable for his coworkers.

Cole Moser has a lot riding on goddamn fucking University of Arkansas-Little Rock learning how to play a 2-3 zone.

Image by moser.