Bar Regular Furious To Learn These Channels Available At Home Too | The Whiskey Journal

Bar Regular Furious To Learn These Channels Available At Home Too

Bar Regular Furious To Learn These Channels Available At Home Too

JOLIET, Ill. — Longtime bar regular and 57-year-old Joliet native Carl Yager was furious to learn late Tuesday night that the cable channels being played every night at Woody’s Bar bar are available at home too.

“You gotta be fucking kidding me,” Yager said dumbfounded. “So I could just, like, watch this at home instead?”

Yager voice increasingly raised as he screamed, “You’re tellin’ me I coulda just watched seven hours of sports highlights at my house!?!”

Those close to the UPS driver stated that Yager has been coming to Woody’s every day after work for over 30 years. After his findings on Tuesday night, Yager felt duped by the establishment and vowed to never return Woody’s again.

According to other patrons, Yager has sat at the same bar stool since his first wife left him in 1987.

“Carl is a creature of habit,” said Woody’s afternoon bartender Matt Morrow. “Every day Carl sits in the same seat and eats the same plain hamburger from Hardee’s and orders the same Miller Lite and later talks himself into the same shot of Jim Beam.”

Morrow continued: “If I were a betting man, I’d say I’ll see Carl tomorrow about 3:45 p.m.”

At press time, fellow bar patrons worried about what might happen next if Yager knew you could make hamburgers at home too.

Kyle Scanlan wishes they had beer you could buy and bring home and drink it there.

Image by genista.
Kyle Scanlan
Kyle Scanlan grew up in rural southern Illinois and has the vocabulary to prove it. Now he lives in the big fancy city of Chicago, because he tells jokes there. When not telling jokes, he’s usually drunkenly yelling at his television during NBA games. He is a contributor, editor and creator of The Whiskey Journal. He’s not excited about the future.
Kyle Scanlan
Kyle Scanlan
Kyle Scanlan grew up in rural southern Illinois and has the vocabulary to prove it. Now he lives in the big fancy city of Chicago, because he tells jokes there. When not telling jokes, he’s usually drunkenly yelling at his television during NBA games. He is a contributor, editor and creator of The Whiskey Journal. He’s not excited about the future.