JOLIET, Ill. — Longtime bar regular and 57-year-old Joliet native Carl Yager was furious to learn late Tuesday night that the cable channels being played every night at Woody’s Bar bar are available at home too.
“You gotta be fucking kidding me,” Yager said dumbfounded. “So I could just, like, watch this at home instead?”
Yager voice increasingly raised as he screamed, “You’re tellin’ me I coulda just watched seven hours of sports highlights at my house!?!”
Those close to the UPS driver stated that Yager has been coming to Woody’s every day after work for over 30 years. After his findings on Tuesday night, Yager felt duped by the establishment and vowed to never return Woody’s again.
According to other patrons, Yager has sat at the same bar stool since his first wife left him in 1987.
“Carl is a creature of habit,” said Woody’s afternoon bartender Matt Morrow. “Every day Carl sits in the same seat and eats the same plain hamburger from Hardee’s and orders the same Miller Lite and later talks himself into the same shot of Jim Beam.”
Morrow continued: “If I were a betting man, I’d say I’ll see Carl tomorrow about 3:45 p.m.”
At press time, fellow bar patrons worried about what might happen next if Yager knew you could make hamburgers at home too.
Kyle Scanlan wishes they had beer you could buy and bring home and drink it there.