Archaeologists Uncover 10,000-Year-Old Creationism Pamphlet


SEVILLE, SPAIN — Archaeologists working in southern Spain are celebrating the discovery of what appears to be the oldest artifact ever found to show man’s denial of evolution.

The small, uniquely preserved clay tablet depicts a crude image of a monkey-like creature that’s been crossed out next to an image of a serious old white guy with a beard giving a thumbs up.

Dr. Lourdes Rajoy of the University of Madrid led the team that found the ancient creationism propaganda and said that carbon dating indicates the tablet is from 8,000 to 9,000 B.C.E.

“We thought Darwin was the first to recognize evolution, however, it looks like early hunter-gatherers in this area who made their way to Africa and back recognized the biological similarities between themselves and other primates, and—how you say?—got totally freaked out,” said Dr. Rajoy. “Some ancient annoying person may have used this tablet like a pamphlet, as a portable way to convince others that they all must come from a single creator who lives in the sky and looks just like themselves.”

Dr. Rajoy said it’s conceivable an indigenous person could have had many of these tablets, and knocked on nearby caves to hand them out, hoping to persuade neighbors to adopt the same comforting beliefs.

“Or, perhaps in the evening, when a tribe would bond and share stories, one would pass this pamphlet around to try and convert others,” Rajoy added. “Which would likely signal to the rest of the group that it was time to go to sleep for the night or—how you say?— make up an excuse to leave.”

Christian fundamentalists who operate the Creation Museum in Kentucky are petitioning to bring in the pamphlet there for display. Creation Museum founder Ken Ham said he disagrees with Dr. Rajoy and her team’s analysis.

“As an expert, I’d guess this tablet is probably more like 2,000 years old,” said Ham.

“It would be glorious to display this marvelous artifact along side our current creationism literature, highlighting the long history of nuance and complexity to our beliefs,” he added.

Dr. Rajoy said she hopes that her discovery will inspire more people to become science literate, and not be intimidated to have their beliefs challenged by evidence.

“It’s critical that we work to further understand our beautiful world for what it is, not what we want it to be,” said Rajoy. “It is—how you say?—ass backwards to think this artifact should go to some creation fun house kind of place.”

Andrew Voris works as a janitor for the Creation Museum’s popular sister attraction, the lovely Ark Encounter theme park, also in Kentucky.

Image by manalkhan.