Apple Announces Release Date Of Child Laborer


CUPERTINO, Calif. — At its most recent media event Apple unveiled the release date of one of its child laborers, industry sources have reported.

“We are very proud to announce that Apple will be releasing Li Min Zhang on September 15th,” said CEO Tim Cook to a captive audience of tech reporters, many of whom had speculated that Apple would be releasing a new child worker though they didn’t know the specifics of whom it would be.

Mr. Cook reiterated that Li Min’s technical features of tiny hands and low wage requirements are still useful, but with her 10th birthday coming up, she has become rather outdated in today’s fast-paced manufacturing world. Several journalists were surprised to hear that Mr. Cook was not planning to replace Ms. Zhang just yet, causing Apple’s share price to dip 1.25%.

“Rest assured, we are working very hard at trying to find the next generation of Li Min’s out there that can take this company to the next level,” said Cook.

Final reports showed that Samsung immediately hired Ms. Zhang to work on the Galaxy S6.

Tommy Molzahn has been employed by Apple as a Foxconn plant suicide net installer.

Image by deerkoski.