WASHINGTON, D.C. — Saying it has had enough of the political bullshit, America has declared that it will be moving to Canada before the next election. America says it is literally packing bags and going. Not joking around this time. America is very serious.
“I just can’t do it anymore,” the disgruntled nation told sources. “Canada has universal healthcare and marriage equality already. Why not just go there instead of constantly arguing about it here?”
When pressed about why America won’t be moving to other foreign countries with similar policies, the nation said that Canadians already speak English and have a few Pizza Hut locations to make the transition much easier.
Canada has responded, saying: “Things must be really bad down there if you want to come to a place that is pretty much exactly like Wisconsin.”
America has heard that people are nicer and happier in Canada and believes Canada will welcome America with open arms. Canada politely insisted America please stay away and also not open trade with Cuba, so Canada can continue to enjoy a vacation spot free from Americans.
Canada has also stated it has no intention of moving to America unless Canada wants to become a pop star.
Stephanie Weber has always said she wanted to visit Toronto, but then of course obviously hasn’t.
Image by greatcanadiangateway.