ANN ARBOR, Mich. — Following several beers at local bar The Watering Hole, sources confirmed today air drummer David Jackson was not even holding the sticks right.
“Hell yeah,” shouted Jackson, 33, who sources confirmed was playing along to Dio’s “Holy Diver” off the band’s 1983 studio album of the same name. “Getting the groove of this thing down tight.”
According to sources, Jackson was totally hitting where a floor tom would be when the music suggested he should be, instead, hitting the ride cymbal. Later, during a drumfill that obviously came to him as a surprise, Jackson writhed his arms about and then made punching motions.
Jackson, who was reportedly sitting the whole time, also made no attempt to even follow along on an imaginary bass pedal, nor did he play the disco-esque portions on the high-hat featured in the song’s verses.
After the song finished it was confirmed that Jackson, who didn’t even try to hit a splash cymbal during the entirety of the song, then told a nearby patron he was in a band in high school.