'90s Fans Rejoice! The New American Health Care Act Allows People To Die From Their Favorite 'Oregon Trail' Diseases | The Whiskey Journal

’90s Fans Rejoice! The New American Health Care Act Allows People To Die From Their Favorite ‘Oregon Trail’ Diseases

’90s Fans Rejoice! The New American Health Care Act Allows People To Die From Their Favorite ‘Oregon Trail’ Diseases

It’s time to bust out the Zubaz, ’90s fans.

A new healthcare bill called The American Health Care Act, meant to replace Obamacare, was introduced by Republicans this week and is already facing intense scrutiny, but it’s not all bad news.

The bill would provide less coverage with higher premiums for most Americans, but it does allow those depending on the plan for coverage the chance to experience some ’90s nostalgia when they die from one or more of their favorite diseases from the classic “Oregon Trail” video game!

The plan guts funding for vaccines and public health, luxuries the pioneers of the Old West never had, clearing the path for highly communicable diseases like measles, mumps, polio and tuberculosis to end your “journey,” just like they did in the beloved 5.25” floppy disk masterpiece!

Woah! Big win for ’90s nostalgia.

Here are just some of the fun, old-timey diseases you could die a slow and excruciating death from once the American Health Care Act is passed:

Screen Shot 2017-03-07 at 1.38.35 PM

Uh oh!

Screen Shot 2017-03-07 at 1.38.51 PM

Looks like you should have been more careful or found a job with a good employer-based plan!

Screen Shot 2017-03-07 at 1.38.24 PM

Whoops!

Screen Shot 2017-03-07 at 1.38.16 PM

Poor Bindi!

And of course the famous:

Screen Shot 2017-03-07 at 1.36.54 PM

 

Obvously the plan does have its detractors and could balloon the number of uninsured while further enriching for-profit health care providers, but at the very least it’s a great way for you to relive the ’90s, or possibly even the 1850s.

Happy trails!

Kyle Scanlan will probably die of an infected toe nail in the next three weeks.

Image by wikimedia, thelearningcompany, reuters and buzzfeed.

Kyle Scanlan
Kyle Scanlan grew up in rural southern Illinois and has the vocabulary to prove it. Now he lives in the big fancy city of Chicago, because he tells jokes there. When not telling jokes, he’s usually drunkenly yelling at his television during NBA games. He is a contributor, editor and creator of The Whiskey Journal. He’s not excited about the future.
Kyle Scanlan
Kyle Scanlan
Kyle Scanlan grew up in rural southern Illinois and has the vocabulary to prove it. Now he lives in the big fancy city of Chicago, because he tells jokes there. When not telling jokes, he’s usually drunkenly yelling at his television during NBA games. He is a contributor, editor and creator of The Whiskey Journal. He’s not excited about the future.