The Internet is slow at home and Mom has some theories as to why. She only learned how to turn the computer on three months ago, but she thinks she knows what the trouble is. Below are the various reasons she’s given over the past week (they get pretty intense.)
1. Dad was using the landline while you were trying to check your e-mail.
2. The neighbors are using their internet right now and you guys should work out a rotation schedule for better Internet.
3. The cat chewed the wires in the back of the computer at some point during the night.
4. Someone flushed the toilet when the Internet was on.
5. Obama turned off all the Internet to try to teach Congress a lesson real quick.
6. Something went wrong at the space station, she just has a feeling.
7. The Internet is a state of mind. You have to believe in order for it to be real.
8. You masturbated last night and God is mad. The punishment is shoddy Internet.
9. The Internet knows what you did. The Internet does not forgive so easily. Repent and replenish speedy Internet to the household.
Stephanie Weber tried to explain that you can’t masturbate with slow Internet.