Ghost of Sigmund Freud Comes Out of Closet

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Admits that cigars are “totally dicks in my mouth.”

By Ryan Lichtenstein

VIENNA, AUSTRIA- The vaporous spirit of famed psychologist and noted cocaine enthusiast Sigmund Freud ended nearly a century of speculation when he announced that he was bisexual during his lifetime.

Freud, who had been rumored to be at least bisexual given his very public and often bizarre obsession with incest, made the announcement during a post-mortem press conference today at three o’clock local time.  The haunting specter still clenched a faded cigar in his ghostly mouth.

“I know I said, ‘sometimes a cigar is just a cigar,’ but what I really meant was it’s really a huge, brown dick.”  The phantom said through an interpreter.  “In fact, its probably my father’s dick.  Given that my mother was a submissive woman and my father a very big, strong man…”

Freud appeared lost in thought for a moment.

“The cigar definitely represents my father- or Gandhi.” Freud said to a shocked Viennese press core.

“I’ve always had a thing for little powerful brown men , and Gandhi was the best one I’ve ever known.  I used to smoke twelve cigars a day and imagine it was the Mahatma.”

Freud closed by slowly disappearing into thin air.